maybe it's not a hurt but just a growth spurt

Today I was meant to be doing my proposal for my dissertation next year but I sat around playing computer games/watching tv/being a good for nothing lazy bum. I found this cool website where some guy has collected people's suicide notes. I can't be bothered to find it right now but it is very interesting, one about a woman who was ill and felt bad for putting her family into a lot of debt made me really sad. Later I started thinking about what I want to do after university which is scary. I thought of some stuff (video game illustrator/court room sketch artist/greetings card illustrator) but I probably should have done illustration instead of fine art which is annoying. I hope I don't end up poor forever after the end of my degree. Also I think I will stay in Manchester for 1 year, then move to London even though I don't like busy places and it gives me a headache and strangers from there are always rude.
I really need to get my stupid laptop fixed but I'm poor. I tried taking it apart because I have an ego after I replaced my blackberry screen but I met my match with this laptop, even with a Youtube tutorial. Youtube is so cool. Me and my friends sat around for an hour or so tonight watching stupid videos. I would be very bored without it. Remember when you could only see music videos on tv? Remember when music channels actually played music videos? Weird. The first video I watched on youtube was a video of a robotic donkey.
Whilst I was napping a bee woke me up buzzing around stuck in some part of my window. I freaked out because I hate any sort of insect near me and started trying to kill it but it wouldn't fucking die. So I poured a cup of water on it because that seemed logical and it fell down a crack. I felt bad but it was fine and flew away. After that I napped some more and had a dream I was a model (ha, I know) and it was really weird and everybody was on cocaine. I got tickets to see X Factor auditions next week but everyone I've asked to come with me said no.
Long days home alone with nothing to do. It would be nice to have someone to call and do anything with whenever. Talking to people because they are there and at least pretend to listen. I've been craving peanut butter.
People wait their entire lives to find good friends. I had found the best one and my life just only started. It's a shame that I am a fool and today I feel the fool tenfold. It's like being cut in two, but not so bloody. Or mistaking your keys, but more intense.